Inday Jokes - nosebleed 2nd edition
pa-nosebleed muna tau
q "Whoever is spreading the malicious news of my supposed death is really out of his/her mind. It is a hoax!
q "I am right here, alive and kicking. I am here to stay longer!"
o Sagot ni INDAY sa balitang patay na siya
q "Minekanikow ni Monico eng mekina neng menikow ni Monica …
q "Peskow, peksew, Peskow, peksew…
q "Booteke, betooka, booteeka, booteke, betooka, booteeka…
q "Damn! I can’t deliver the Filipino tongue twisters!"
o Si INDAY, nagsasanay ng tongue twisters
q "It is in mistakes that we learn how to grow to be better individuals. You may judge me for what you perceive but it is not my mistake that determines who I am, rather, it is what I do to make things right."
o Sabi ni INDAY nang makabasag siya ng pinggan
q JEEPNEY DRIVER: Hoy! Bakit P6 lang ang ibinayad mo? P7 na ang pamasahe ngayon!
q INDAY: I am currently enrolled in a two-year vocational course in an academic institution. Therefore, I am a student, and by this fact, I am entitled to have the inalienable right to avail of a certain discount on my jeepney fare. This is why I provided a payment less than what you expected because that is according to the law, as stated in the fare matrix.
o JEEPNEY DRIVER: Okey.
q "I pity you for you have degraded your very own pride and dignity by resorting to this despicable behavior just for money.
q "I hope that one day you will realize that you should not use people as means to your ends.
q "As what the great philosopher Kant uttered, ‘Treat a man as an end in himself.’"
q Iyan ang sabi ni INDAY sa holdaper na nanghoholdap sa kanya.
o Ang sagot ng HOLDAPER, "Shut up coz if you don’t, the bullet in this gun will rest upon your empty head!"
o ANG SOSYAL NA TALAGA NILA , ‘NO?!
q "We need to give due respect and the presumption of regularity to the verdict laid down against the former president.
q "But guilty or not guilty, he will still be loved by people like me, people belonging to the masses."
o Iyan ang sagot ni INDAY sa interbyu ng CNN sa kanya tungkol sa hatol kay ERAP
q "Moisturizing my lips is really an essential part of my beauty routine because spending long hours under bright lights dries them out."
o Iyan ang emote ni INDAY sa salamin habang ginagamit ang imported na lipstick ng amo.
q "Be shame of your speaking. Did you think that your English grammary are corrected by? It’s better to keep your mouth shock! Connect me if I’m wrong!"
o Babala ni MELANIE MARQUEZ kay INDAY.
q I’m not extremely good-looking but I have a sense of humor. I’m not breathtakingly intelligent but I’m relatively witty.
q "I’m not insanely rich but I’m fairly kind. I’m just a simple guy with a crazy elusive ambition of meeting your acquiantance. So, hi!"
o Si DODONG, nakikipag-txtm8 kay INDAY
q P500 = Globe plan subscription
q P1,800 = glutathione tablet
q P600 = Olay Total Effects
q P1,500 = Crocs flip flops
q P2,000 = for Mama
o Bina-budget ni INDAY ang suweldo niya
q Amo: Inday, bakit mo ibinenta ‘yung sirang silya?
q Inday: I have computed the chair’s fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using a five-year projection and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is in accordance with PAS 18 on Revenue, PAS 16 on Property, Plant and Equipment, and PAS 36 on Impairment of Assets.
o AMO: (hindi naka-react)
q FLASH REPORT!
q Inday is alive! She’s not yet dead. SOCO found out that the impostora of Inday was killed.
q Ederlyn (Inday’s kapitbahay) was the mastermind.
q SOCO: Bakit mo ipinapatay si Inday?
q Kasi, inagaw niya sa akin EDERLYN: Dodong! si
q INDAY: Mythemaniac! He was never yours…
q EDERLYN: Dong, mahal kita… Di ba, mahal mo rin ako?
o DODONG: I… never… said… that… I love you!
q How do I stop falling for someone? How do I defy the pull of gravity? Can I just flee? Flee before I hit the ground and suffer the pain? And tell myself: Why do I choose to fall in the first place when I know from the start that someone is never gonna be there to catch me anyway?"
o Tanong ni INDAY sa sarili niya nang ma-in love siya sa amo niya.
q Finding a perfect love? There is no perfect love… The only thing you can do to make it somehow perfect is to be satisfied!"
o Paboritong quotation ni INDAY, bow!
q Sa restaurant…
q Waiter: Ano po ang order nila, ma’am?
q Amo: ‘Yung fried chicken meal na lang. Ikaw, Inday, anong sa ‘yo?
q Inday: I would like to partake of a dish of sauteed pork and chicken boiled in thick essence of fermented soy and cane extracts, with copious amounts of garlic, onions and basil, sprinkled with fine spices and served with a generous helping of root crop and fragrant jasmine rice.
q Waited: (natigalgal)
o Amo: Iho, adobo with rice daw.
q Morons! I was never raised by my mom to be a coquette! I’m nurtured with such dignity, respect and morality! Even poverty can’t make me do such scandalous act!
q "Sexy is from within. I don’t rely on aesthetic products and on skimpy and scantily clad outfits. So pathetic!"
o Banat ni INDAY nang alukin siyang mag-pose sa FHM.
q GREAT NEWS!!!
q Want to receive daily updates straight from your favorite househelp INDAY?
q Now you can! Just text FANATXTINDAY ON and send to 2334 for Globe and Touch Mobile subscribers, and 4627 for Smart and Talk ‘N Text. P2.50/text.
o Talbog! May FanaTxt na si INDAY!
q Never assure that love is enough to make someone stay or come back to you… because when pain strikes the heart, love fades away no matter how great it was…"
o Sabi ni INDAY kay DODONG nang magdesisyon siyang makipag-break dahil nagkita niyang magkausap sina DODONG at EDERLYN.
q "Aoy alimin mo ahit inyi bayid. Aamiyin o inyan aoy manyid. Tana ay iong nanyinyinik, chayong nyaap aoy nyanyanyamik."
o Si PABLING, ngongong manliligaw ni Inday, kinakanta ang Alipin
q Katxt ni INDAY si PACMAN…
q Inday: Eow Manny.
q Pacman: Ho u? Wir ded u got my #?
q Inday: Dis is Inday, im one of ur fans.
q Pacman: Uh rile? Im hape 2 her dat.
q Inday: Yeah, I juz want 2 wish u gud luck in ur upcoming bout wd Barrera.
q Pacman: Tink u viry much. Pls pray dat I wen des fyt.
q Inday: Yes, ill pray 4 ur victory. Rgardz 2 Ara, este … JOKE lang !
q Pacman: Kaw ha, pelya ka!
o Ang bigat ni Inday, kabiruan na si Pacman!
q "I tried my best to wait for you. I’ve shouted, but you didn’t come out. You didn’t even respond. Now you want me to go back?"
o Sabi ng MAGTATAHO kay Inday!
q "Beri-beri, a Singhalese word which means ‘weakness,’ is a disease that caused death, particularly among prisoners and sailors. It is a disease caused by a deficiency in Vitamin B1."
o Reaksyon ni INDAY nang malamang ikukulong si Erap.
q "If the radius of the circle is 8 inches, and if we are going to divide it to 8 equal parts, the arc length should be 2 inches, neither 1 nor whatsoever.
q "It is so disgusting that there are no equality among division of parts whereas complementary to what am I saying about.
q "This matter is not indispensable, on a part that it should be diminished accordingly for future’s sake."
o Si INDAY, nag-e-emote! Mas malaki kasi ang pizza slice na ibinigay kay EDERLYN nang ininterbyu sila sa Oprah Show (Naks! International na!)
q "To make it stand, you wet it! To make it wet, you suck it! To make it stiff, you lick it! To get it in, you push it!" "Damn! Ang hirap maglagay ng sinulid sa karayom! ‘Kainis!"
o Si INDAY, tinuturuang manahi si SIR. Flirty-flirty si Inday, huh?!
q "A Peeping Tom like you has no place in this society. Although I admit that I have a beautiful body, you have no right, nor privilege to feast on it without my knowledge.
q "Such a Satanic act must be stopped immediately. I condemn what you did and I have no other recourse but to bring this matter to Sir and Ma’am for proper action."
o Sabi ni INDAY sa HARDINERO na nahuli niyang sinisilipan siya habang naliligo
q "I will be out of the country starting tomorrow until September 30 for an overseas engagement. It would be appreciated if you would refrain from sending forwarded messages ‘till I come back since I am on roaming and it costs Php10.00/msg received by the overseas network. Thanks."
o Txt ni INDAY kina DODONG at MANANG noong isinama siya ng amo niya sa madrid , España
q Please pray for the quick recovery of INDAY!
q She’s currently in the ICU because of excessive nose bleeding which she had while accompanying Junior in his school’s LINGGO NG WIKA celebration.
Please pass this to all whose lives, like mine, have been touched by Inday!!!!
q "Whoever is spreading the malicious news of my supposed death is really out of his/her mind. It is a hoax!
q "I am right here, alive and kicking. I am here to stay longer!"
o Sagot ni INDAY sa balitang patay na siya
q "Minekanikow ni Monico eng mekina neng menikow ni Monica …
q "Peskow, peksew, Peskow, peksew…
q "Booteke, betooka, booteeka, booteke, betooka, booteeka…
q "Damn! I can’t deliver the Filipino tongue twisters!"
o Si INDAY, nagsasanay ng tongue twisters
q "It is in mistakes that we learn how to grow to be better individuals. You may judge me for what you perceive but it is not my mistake that determines who I am, rather, it is what I do to make things right."
o Sabi ni INDAY nang makabasag siya ng pinggan
q JEEPNEY DRIVER: Hoy! Bakit P6 lang ang ibinayad mo? P7 na ang pamasahe ngayon!
q INDAY: I am currently enrolled in a two-year vocational course in an academic institution. Therefore, I am a student, and by this fact, I am entitled to have the inalienable right to avail of a certain discount on my jeepney fare. This is why I provided a payment less than what you expected because that is according to the law, as stated in the fare matrix.
o JEEPNEY DRIVER: Okey.
q "I pity you for you have degraded your very own pride and dignity by resorting to this despicable behavior just for money.
q "I hope that one day you will realize that you should not use people as means to your ends.
q "As what the great philosopher Kant uttered, ‘Treat a man as an end in himself.’"
q Iyan ang sabi ni INDAY sa holdaper na nanghoholdap sa kanya.
o Ang sagot ng HOLDAPER, "Shut up coz if you don’t, the bullet in this gun will rest upon your empty head!"
o ANG SOSYAL NA TALAGA NILA , ‘NO?!
q "We need to give due respect and the presumption of regularity to the verdict laid down against the former president.
q "But guilty or not guilty, he will still be loved by people like me, people belonging to the masses."
o Iyan ang sagot ni INDAY sa interbyu ng CNN sa kanya tungkol sa hatol kay ERAP
q "Moisturizing my lips is really an essential part of my beauty routine because spending long hours under bright lights dries them out."
o Iyan ang emote ni INDAY sa salamin habang ginagamit ang imported na lipstick ng amo.
q "Be shame of your speaking. Did you think that your English grammary are corrected by? It’s better to keep your mouth shock! Connect me if I’m wrong!"
o Babala ni MELANIE MARQUEZ kay INDAY.
q I’m not extremely good-looking but I have a sense of humor. I’m not breathtakingly intelligent but I’m relatively witty.
q "I’m not insanely rich but I’m fairly kind. I’m just a simple guy with a crazy elusive ambition of meeting your acquiantance. So, hi!"
o Si DODONG, nakikipag-txtm8 kay INDAY
q P500 = Globe plan subscription
q P1,800 = glutathione tablet
q P600 = Olay Total Effects
q P1,500 = Crocs flip flops
q P2,000 = for Mama
o Bina-budget ni INDAY ang suweldo niya
q Amo: Inday, bakit mo ibinenta ‘yung sirang silya?
q Inday: I have computed the chair’s fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using a five-year projection and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is in accordance with PAS 18 on Revenue, PAS 16 on Property, Plant and Equipment, and PAS 36 on Impairment of Assets.
o AMO: (hindi naka-react)
q FLASH REPORT!
q Inday is alive! She’s not yet dead. SOCO found out that the impostora of Inday was killed.
q Ederlyn (Inday’s kapitbahay) was the mastermind.
q SOCO: Bakit mo ipinapatay si Inday?
q Kasi, inagaw niya sa akin EDERLYN: Dodong! si
q INDAY: Mythemaniac! He was never yours…
q EDERLYN: Dong, mahal kita… Di ba, mahal mo rin ako?
o DODONG: I… never… said… that… I love you!
q How do I stop falling for someone? How do I defy the pull of gravity? Can I just flee? Flee before I hit the ground and suffer the pain? And tell myself: Why do I choose to fall in the first place when I know from the start that someone is never gonna be there to catch me anyway?"
o Tanong ni INDAY sa sarili niya nang ma-in love siya sa amo niya.
q Finding a perfect love? There is no perfect love… The only thing you can do to make it somehow perfect is to be satisfied!"
o Paboritong quotation ni INDAY, bow!
q Sa restaurant…
q Waiter: Ano po ang order nila, ma’am?
q Amo: ‘Yung fried chicken meal na lang. Ikaw, Inday, anong sa ‘yo?
q Inday: I would like to partake of a dish of sauteed pork and chicken boiled in thick essence of fermented soy and cane extracts, with copious amounts of garlic, onions and basil, sprinkled with fine spices and served with a generous helping of root crop and fragrant jasmine rice.
q Waited: (natigalgal)
o Amo: Iho, adobo with rice daw.
q Morons! I was never raised by my mom to be a coquette! I’m nurtured with such dignity, respect and morality! Even poverty can’t make me do such scandalous act!
q "Sexy is from within. I don’t rely on aesthetic products and on skimpy and scantily clad outfits. So pathetic!"
o Banat ni INDAY nang alukin siyang mag-pose sa FHM.
q GREAT NEWS!!!
q Want to receive daily updates straight from your favorite househelp INDAY?
q Now you can! Just text FANATXT
o Talbog! May FanaTxt na si INDAY!
q Never assure that love is enough to make someone stay or come back to you… because when pain strikes the heart, love fades away no matter how great it was…"
o Sabi ni INDAY kay DODONG nang magdesisyon siyang makipag-break dahil nagkita niyang magkausap sina DODONG at EDERLYN.
q "Aoy alimin mo ahit inyi bayid. Aamiyin o inyan aoy manyid. Tana ay iong nanyinyinik, chayong nyaap aoy nyanyanyamik."
o Si PABLING, ngongong manliligaw ni Inday, kinakanta ang Alipin
q Katxt ni INDAY si PACMAN…
q Inday: Eow Manny.
q Pacman: Ho u? Wir ded u got my #?
q Inday: Dis is Inday, im one of ur fans.
q Pacman: Uh rile? Im hape 2 her dat.
q Inday: Yeah, I juz want 2 wish u gud luck in ur upcoming bout wd Barrera.
q Pacman: Tink u viry much. Pls pray dat I wen des fyt.
q Inday: Yes, ill pray 4 ur victory. Rgardz 2 Ara, este … JOKE lang !
q Pacman: Kaw ha, pelya ka!
o Ang bigat ni Inday, kabiruan na si Pacman!
q "I tried my best to wait for you. I’ve shouted, but you didn’t come out. You didn’t even respond. Now you want me to go back?"
o Sabi ng MAGTATAHO kay Inday!
q "Beri-beri, a Singhalese word which means ‘weakness,’ is a disease that caused death, particularly among prisoners and sailors. It is a disease caused by a deficiency in Vitamin B1."
o Reaksyon ni INDAY nang malamang ikukulong si Erap.
q "If the radius of the circle is 8 inches, and if we are going to divide it to 8 equal parts, the arc length should be 2 inches, neither 1 nor whatsoever.
q "It is so disgusting that there are no equality among division of parts whereas complementary to what am I saying about.
q "This matter is not indispensable, on a part that it should be diminished accordingly for future’s sake."
o Si INDAY, nag-e-emote! Mas malaki kasi ang pizza slice na ibinigay kay EDERLYN nang ininterbyu sila sa Oprah Show (Naks! International na!)
q "To make it stand, you wet it! To make it wet, you suck it! To make it stiff, you lick it! To get it in, you push it!" "Damn! Ang hirap maglagay ng sinulid sa karayom! ‘Kainis!"
o Si INDAY, tinuturuang manahi si SIR. Flirty-flirty si Inday, huh?!
q "A Peeping Tom like you has no place in this society. Although I admit that I have a beautiful body, you have no right, nor privilege to feast on it without my knowledge.
q "Such a Satanic act must be stopped immediately. I condemn what you did and I have no other recourse but to bring this matter to Sir and Ma’am for proper action."
o Sabi ni INDAY sa HARDINERO na nahuli niyang sinisilipan siya habang naliligo
q "I will be out of the country starting tomorrow until September 30 for an overseas engagement. It would be appreciated if you would refrain from sending forwarded messages ‘till I come back since I am on roaming and it costs Php10.00/msg received by the overseas network. Thanks."
o Txt ni INDAY kina DODONG at MANANG noong isinama siya ng amo niya sa madrid , España
q Please pray for the quick recovery of INDAY!
q She’s currently in the ICU because of excessive nose bleeding which she had while accompanying Junior in his school’s LINGGO NG WIKA celebration.
Please pass this to all whose lives, like mine, have been touched by Inday!!!!
posted by Mailster at 7:27 AM
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