Stress Reliever

Take a break!!!

Stress Reliever # 1

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

_________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 4

Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"

Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."

Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am ?"

Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 5

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 6

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 7

"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed ! up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 9

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..

"My father grows beans," said one student.

"My father cooks beans," said another.

Then little Johnny sp! oke up: "We are all human beans."

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 10

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 11

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 12

A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"

He replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone."

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 13

Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?"

Wife replied: "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 14

"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S. ?"

Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side."

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 15

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour."

_____________________________________________________________


Stress Reliever # 16

Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak and exhausted!

Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?"

Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males a day."

BE AWARE FRIENDS...

This was sent to me by a former staff now based in Canada.
I don't know if it's true but better to be informed.

BE AWARE
FRIENDS,

The world is getting sicker and a more unsafe place! Don't know how
accurate these stories are, but better to be aware than be ignorant.

This is a true story, it has been confirmed, and the Medical Centre phone
number at the end of this story is real. This guy went out on a Saturday
night a few weeks ago to a party. He was having a good time and had a
couple of beers and some girl seemed to like him & invited him to go to
another party.

He quickly agreed & decided to go along with her. She took him to a party
in some apartment and they continued to drink & even got involved with
some drug (unknown). The next thing he knew, he woke up completely naked
in a bathtub filled with ice.

He looked down at his
chest, which had "CALL 000 or YOU'LL DIE" written on
it with lipstick. He saw a phone was on a stand next to the tub so he
picked it up & dialled. He explained to the EMS operator what the
situation was & that he didn't know where he was, what he took, or why he
was
really calling. She advised him to get out of the tub. He did, and he
appeared normal, so she told him to check his back. He did, and found two
9 inch slits on his lower back.

She told him to get back into the tub immediately, and they sent a rescue
team over. Apparently, after being examined, he
found out more - His
kidneys were stolen. They were worth $10,000 each on the black market. He
is currently in the hospital on a life support, awaiting a spare kidney.

I wish to warn you about a new crime ring that is targeting business
travellers. This ring is well organized and well funded,
has very skilled
personnel & is currently operating in most major cities around the world
and recently very active in *Sydney* .

The crime begins when a business traveller goes to a lounge for a drink at
the end of the work day. A person in the bar walks up as they sit alone
and offers to buy them a drink. The last thing the traveller remembers
until they wake up in a hotel room bathtub, their body submerged to their
neck in ice, is sipping that drink. There is a note taped to the wall
instructing them not to move and to call 000. A phone is on the
small
table next to the bathtub for them to call. The business traveller calls
000 who have been quite familiar with this crime.

The business traveller is instructed by the 000 operator to very slowly
and carefully reach behind them and feel there is a tube protruding
from
the back. The business traveller finds the tube and answers "YES". The 000
operator tells them to remain still, having already sent paramedics to
help. The Operator knows that both of the traveller's kidneys had been
harvested. *This is not a scam or out of science fiction novel. It is
real. It is
documented and confirmable. *

If you travel or someone close to you travels, please be careful. Sadly,
this is very true. I REALLY WANT AS MANY PEOPLE TO SEE THIS AS POSSIBLE SO
PLEASE BOUNCE THIS TO WHOEVER YOU CAN.








ANOTHER STORY:



I was approached yesterday afternoon around 3.30 pm in the Car parking lot
by two males, asking what kind of perfume I was wearing. Then they asked
if I'd like to sample some fabulous Scent they were willing to sell me at
a very reasonable rate. I probably would have agreed had I not received an
email some weeks ago, warning of this
scam.

The men continued to stand between parked cars, I guess to wait for
someone else to hit on. I stopped a lady going towards them, I pointed at
them and told her about how I was sent an email at Work about someone
walking up to you at the malls, in parking lots, asking you to
sniff
perfume that they are selling at a cheap price.

THIS IS NOT PERFUME - IT IS ETHER!

When you sniff it, you'll pass out and they'll take your wallet, your
valuables, and heaven knows what else. If it were not for this email, I
probably would have sniffed the "perfume", but thanks to the generosity of
an emailing friend, I was spared whatever might have happened to me, and
wanted to do the same for you.

LET EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT THIS,
YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, CO-WORKERS!

The correct way to cook instant noodles

The correct way to cook instant noodles without harming our bodies and health. Normally, how we cook the instant noodles is to put the noodles into a pot with water, throw in the powder and let it cook for 3 mins around and then ready to eat.

This is the WRONG method of cooking the instant noodles.

By doing this, when we actually boil the ingredients in the powder, normally with MSG, it will change the molecular structures of the MSG causing it to be toxic.

The other thing that you may or may not realized is that, the noodles are coated with wax and it will take around 4 to 5 days for the body to excrete the wax after you have taken the noodles.

CORRECT method , which you may or may not know, is to cook the noodles this way :

1. boil the noodles in a pot with water.
2. once the noodles is cooked, take out the noodles, and throw away the water which contains wax.
3. boil another pot of water till boiling and put the noodles into the hot boiling water and then shut the fire.
4. only at this stage when the fire is off, and while the water is very hot, put the ingredient with the powder into the water, to make noodle soup.
5. however, if you need dry noodles, take out the noodles n add the ingredient with the powder and toss it to get dry noodles.

Please share this info and help save a life.

If men wrote advice columns

Computer Challenge.............??

Computer Challenge
Now here is a challenge!
For all of you who keep thinking you are computer experts...
try this!


So you think you're so smart.
Let's see how computer literate you are . . .


WHAT IS:

qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqdjggsdqklgds
ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffkgmgqkfjd
mqielgqfffffffffffffffffffffffffffsqfmq
dsldmfqsfqssfdbvnlklfvnozeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ?


SEE THE ANSWER BELOW

Marriage

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become ! two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH......AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!

THE END.

The Secret recipes For Healthy Drinking

Recommend below are the secret recipes for healthy drinking...
* Carrot + Ginger + Apple
Boost and cleanse our system.

* Apple + Cucumber + Celery
Prevent cancer, reduce cholesterol, and improve stomach upset and headache.

* Tomato + Carrot + Apple
Improves skin complexion and bad breath.

* Bitter gourd + Apple + Milk
Prevent bad-breath and reduce internal body heat.

* Orange + Ginger + Cucumber
Improves skin texture and moisture and reduce body heat.


* Pineapple + Apple + Watermelon
To dispel excess salts, nourishes the bladder and kidney.

* Apple + Cucumber + Kiwi
To improve skin complexion.

* Pear + Banana
To regulate sugar content.

* Carrot + Apple + Pear + Mango
Clear body heat, counteracts toxicity, decreased blood pressure and fight oxidization!

* Honeydew + Grape + Watermelon + Milk
Rich in Vitamin C + Vitamin B2 that increases cell activity and strengthen body immunity.

* Papaya + Pineapple + Milk
Rich in vitamin C, E, Iron. Improve skin complexion and metabolism.

* Banana + Pineapple + Milk
Rich in Vitamin with nutritious and prevent constipation.

Friends

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you can't get them back. So I'm gonna tie you in my heart so I never lose you. Send this to all your friends including me and see how many you get back.

I DO HOPE YOU'LL LOOK AT THE PICTURES