the guys' rules

the Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one< /B>

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color . Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again late r.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have t o sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh

Finger Painting ( CooooooooooooL )

Thought this was interesting...

It will take 4 hours to do a hand, then photographs it for posterity, I cannot imagine how he can do the eyes lifelike, it take him 10 hours to do the 2 handed eagles. Finger painting are surely interesting and a must see.

A.S.A.P. for Others...I Just Did....For you.

Ever wonder about the abbreviation A.S.A.P.? Generally we think of it in terms of even more hurry and stress in our lives.

Maybe if we think of this abbreviation in a different manner,

we will begin to find a new way to deal with those rough days along the way.

*************
There's work to do, deadlines to meet;

You've got no time to spare,
But as you hurry and scurry-
ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER

In the midst of family chaos,
"Quality time" is rare.
Do your best; let God do the rest- ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER.

It may seem like your worries
Are more than you can bear.
Slow down and take a breather-
ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER

God knows how stressful life is;
He wants to ease our cares,
And He'll respond to all your needs
A.S.A.P. - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER.

****************

God bless and have a wonderful day!

Inday Jokes - nosebleed 2nd edition

pa-nosebleed muna tau

q "Whoever is spreading the malicious news of my supposed death is really out of his/her mind. It is a hoax!
q "I am right here, alive and kicking. I am here to stay longer!"
o Sagot ni INDAY sa balitang patay na siya

q "Minekanikow ni Monico eng mekina neng menikow ni Monica …
q "Peskow, peksew, Peskow, peksew…
q "Booteke, betooka, booteeka, booteke, betooka, booteeka…
q "Damn! I can’t deliver the Filipino tongue twisters!"
o Si INDAY, nagsasanay ng tongue twisters


q "It is in mistakes that we learn how to grow to be better individuals. You may judge me for what you perceive but it is not my mistake that determines who I am, rather, it is what I do to make things right."

o Sabi ni INDAY nang makabasag siya ng pinggan


q JEEPNEY DRIVER: Hoy! Bakit P6 lang ang ibinayad mo? P7 na ang pamasahe ngayon!
q INDAY: I am currently enrolled in a two-year vocational course in an academic institution. Therefore, I am a student, and by this fact, I am entitled to have the inalienable right to avail of a certain discount on my jeepney fare. This is why I provided a payment less than what you expected because that is according to the law, as stated in the fare matrix.

o JEEPNEY DRIVER: Okey.

q "I pity you for you have degraded your very own pride and dignity by resorting to this despicable behavior just for money.

q "I hope that one day you will realize that you should not use people as means to your ends.

q "As what the great philosopher Kant uttered, ‘Treat a man as an end in himself.’"

q Iyan ang sabi ni INDAY sa holdaper na nanghoholdap sa kanya.

o Ang sagot ng HOLDAPER, "Shut up coz if you don’t, the bullet in this gun will rest upon your empty head!"

o ANG SOSYAL NA TALAGA NILA , ‘NO?!


q "We need to give due respect and the presumption of regularity to the verdict laid down against the former president.

q "But guilty or not guilty, he will still be loved by people like me, people belonging to the masses."

o Iyan ang sagot ni INDAY sa interbyu ng CNN sa kanya tungkol sa hatol kay ERAP

q "Moisturizing my lips is really an essential part of my beauty routine because spending long hours under bright lights dries them out."

o Iyan ang emote ni INDAY sa salamin habang ginagamit ang imported na lipstick ng amo.

q "Be shame of your speaking. Did you think that your English grammary are corrected by? It’s better to keep your mouth shock! Connect me if I’m wrong!"

o Babala ni MELANIE MARQUEZ kay INDAY.

q I’m not extremely good-looking but I have a sense of humor. I’m not breathtakingly intelligent but I’m relatively witty.

q "I’m not insanely rich but I’m fairly kind. I’m just a simple guy with a crazy elusive ambition of meeting your acquiantance. So, hi!"

o Si DODONG, nakikipag-txtm8 kay INDAY

q P500 = Globe plan subscription

q P1,800 = glutathione tablet

q P600 = Olay Total Effects

q P1,500 = Crocs flip flops

q P2,000 = for Mama

o Bina-budget ni INDAY ang suweldo niya



q Amo: Inday, bakit mo ibinenta ‘yung sirang silya?
q Inday: I have computed the chair’s fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using a five-year projection and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is in accordance with PAS 18 on Revenue, PAS 16 on Property, Plant and Equipment, and PAS 36 on Impairment of Assets.

o AMO: (hindi naka-react)


q FLASH REPORT!
q Inday is alive! She’s not yet dead. SOCO found out that the impostora of Inday was killed.
q Ederlyn (Inday’s kapitbahay) was the mastermind.
q SOCO: Bakit mo ipinapatay si Inday?
q Kasi, inagaw niya sa akin EDERLYN: Dodong! si
q INDAY: Mythemaniac! He was never yours…
q EDERLYN: Dong, mahal kita… Di ba, mahal mo rin ako?
o DODONG: I… never… said… that… I love you!


q How do I stop falling for someone? How do I defy the pull of gravity? Can I just flee? Flee before I hit the ground and suffer the pain? And tell myself: Why do I choose to fall in the first place when I know from the start that someone is never gonna be there to catch me anyway?"

o Tanong ni INDAY sa sarili niya nang ma-in love siya sa amo niya.


q Finding a perfect love? There is no perfect love… The only thing you can do to make it somehow perfect is to be satisfied!"

o Paboritong quotation ni INDAY, bow!


q Sa restaurant…

q Waiter: Ano po ang order nila, ma’am?

q Amo: ‘Yung fried chicken meal na lang. Ikaw, Inday, anong sa ‘yo?

q Inday: I would like to partake of a dish of sauteed pork and chicken boiled in thick essence of fermented soy and cane extracts, with copious amounts of garlic, onions and basil, sprinkled with fine spices and served with a generous helping of root crop and fragrant jasmine rice.

q Waited: (natigalgal)

o Amo: Iho, adobo with rice daw.


q Morons! I was never raised by my mom to be a coquette! I’m nurtured with such dignity, respect and morality! Even poverty can’t make me do such scandalous act!

q "Sexy is from within. I don’t rely on aesthetic products and on skimpy and scantily clad outfits. So pathetic!"

o Banat ni INDAY nang alukin siyang mag-pose sa FHM.


q GREAT NEWS!!!

q Want to receive daily updates straight from your favorite househelp INDAY?

q Now you can! Just text FANATXT INDAY ON and send to 2334 for Globe and Touch Mobile subscribers, and 4627 for Smart and Talk ‘N Text. P2.50/text.

o Talbog! May FanaTxt na si INDAY!


q Never assure that love is enough to make someone stay or come back to you… because when pain strikes the heart, love fades away no matter how great it was…"

o Sabi ni INDAY kay DODONG nang magdesisyon siyang makipag-break dahil nagkita niyang magkausap sina DODONG at EDERLYN.


q "Aoy alimin mo ahit inyi bayid. Aamiyin o inyan aoy manyid. Tana ay iong nanyinyinik, chayong nyaap aoy nyanyanyamik."

o Si PABLING, ngongong manliligaw ni Inday, kinakanta ang Alipin



q Katxt ni INDAY si PACMAN…

q Inday: Eow Manny.

q Pacman: Ho u? Wir ded u got my #?

q Inday: Dis is Inday, im one of ur fans.

q Pacman: Uh rile? Im hape 2 her dat.

q Inday: Yeah, I juz want 2 wish u gud luck in ur upcoming bout wd Barrera.

q Pacman: Tink u viry much. Pls pray dat I wen des fyt.

q Inday: Yes, ill pray 4 ur victory. Rgardz 2 Ara, este … JOKE lang !

q Pacman: Kaw ha, pelya ka!

o Ang bigat ni Inday, kabiruan na si Pacman!


q "I tried my best to wait for you. I’ve shouted, but you didn’t come out. You didn’t even respond. Now you want me to go back?"

o Sabi ng MAGTATAHO kay Inday!



q "Beri-beri, a Singhalese word which means ‘weakness,’ is a disease that caused death, particularly among prisoners and sailors. It is a disease caused by a deficiency in Vitamin B1."

o Reaksyon ni INDAY nang malamang ikukulong si Erap.



q "If the radius of the circle is 8 inches, and if we are going to divide it to 8 equal parts, the arc length should be 2 inches, neither 1 nor whatsoever.

q "It is so disgusting that there are no equality among division of parts whereas complementary to what am I saying about.

q "This matter is not indispensable, on a part that it should be diminished accordingly for future’s sake."

o Si INDAY, nag-e-emote! Mas malaki kasi ang pizza slice na ibinigay kay EDERLYN nang ininterbyu sila sa Oprah Show (Naks! International na!)


q "To make it stand, you wet it! To make it wet, you suck it! To make it stiff, you lick it! To get it in, you push it!" "Damn! Ang hirap maglagay ng sinulid sa karayom! ‘Kainis!"

o Si INDAY, tinuturuang manahi si SIR. Flirty-flirty si Inday, huh?!

q "A Peeping Tom like you has no place in this society. Although I admit that I have a beautiful body, you have no right, nor privilege to feast on it without my knowledge.

q "Such a Satanic act must be stopped immediately. I condemn what you did and I have no other recourse but to bring this matter to Sir and Ma’am for proper action."

o Sabi ni INDAY sa HARDINERO na nahuli niyang sinisilipan siya habang naliligo



q "I will be out of the country starting tomorrow until September 30 for an overseas engagement. It would be appreciated if you would refrain from sending forwarded messages ‘till I come back since I am on roaming and it costs Php10.00/msg received by the overseas network. Thanks."

o Txt ni INDAY kina DODONG at MANANG noong isinama siya ng amo niya sa madrid , España

q Please pray for the quick recovery of INDAY!

q She’s currently in the ICU because of excessive nose bleeding which she had while accompanying Junior in his school’s LINGGO NG WIKA celebration.

Please pass this to all whose lives, like mine, have been touched by Inday!!!!

Hunger and thirst leads to suffering

Let's thank God for what we have. here is a powerpoint presentation on hunger and thirst.

Galing nito

once you send the message, press F6 and you will see what appear.... unbelievable but true...

Send this at least 15-people, then press F6 and the name of that who loves you will appear.

How To Dance In The Rain

How To Dance In The Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's,arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb.

He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch, and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health; he told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are'?

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is'.

I had to hold back tears as he left; I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life'.

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there is one that comes along that has an important message.

This one I thought I could share with you.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

I hope you share this with someone you care about. I just did.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm,
But how to dance in the rain.'

Happiness Now 80 / 20 pareto principle

Just want to share with you these great readings I came across with -
from the book 'Happiness Now' - by Andrew Matthews.


WHERE AM I GOING?

Did you ever ask yourself: "What am I doing in this stupid job?"
Do you ever feel like you are stuck?

If you feel frustrated or unhappy at work - whether you're a chicken
plucker or a brain surgeon - your best strategy is.. GIVE IT ALL YOU'VE
GOT.

Why:
* You feel better about yourself
* You develop your skills
* You develop a reputation
* Sometime, someone will notice you and offer you a better position, or
* You'll one day get the confidence to do your own thing.

When we continually give our best, life naturally leads us towards new
opportunities. Sometimes, it takes a while, but it happens.

One more thing.. opportunities, job offers - and romance - usually
arrive when we least expect them.

Great opportunities and life-changing relationships mostly happen in the most unlikely situations. It's life's way of reminding us to give respect to everyone we meet.

It's also life's way of reminding us to keep an open mind!

Successful people tell themselves: "If I make the most out of this opportunity, I'll get a bigger one".

IN A NUTSHELL: Life rewards efforts, not excuses.


GET SERIOUS!

You will notice something about weak people. They use weak language.
They use certain words a lot, like "TRY"..
"I'll TRY to lose weight"
"I'll TRY to get out of debt."

The minute someone says "'ILL TRY", you know that they are only half serious.
When friends say, "I'll TRY to be there", you know they won't show up.

Our words tell people how determined we are.

Parents who tell their children, "TRY to be quiet", "TRY to behave!" aren't serious. So what do their kids do? Whatever they want!

Instead of telling your children or your staffs "You must TRY", say "YOU must DO it!"

Instead of telling yourself "I'll TRY", tell yourself "I WILL!" "I WILL finish this" "I WILL be happy!"

"I'll TRY" says "I'll do this thing if it isn't too hard".
"I WILL" says "I'll do this thing whatever it takes".

This is not a detail.
It's the difference between casual and committed.
Often, it's the difference between success and failure.

If you want people to believe in you - and if you want to believe in
yourself - you have to sound serious!

IN A NUTSHELL: Your words shape your future.



WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT?

20% of the food you eat creates 80% of the fat!
20% of your neighbors make 80% of the noise.
20% of the people in your office do 80% of the work.
This is the 80/20 rule. You'll see it everywhere!

In 1897 an Italian economist called Pareto discovered that 20% of people in England had 80% of the money. He also found that 20% of pea pods in his garden produced 80% of his peas. Now he is famous!

His Pareto Principle predicts that in any situation, just a few things are much important than the rest.

This means:
In business: 20% of customers give you 80% of the profits. Look after that 20%!
For students: 20% of a book's page contain 80% of the information.
Concentrate on that 20% - then read the next book.
For you: Your daily tasks are not equally important. If you have ten jobs to do today, two of them will be more critical than the other eight. Do it first.. then do the other eight on your spare time.

Everyday, figure out the 20%. Do those things FIRST. Simply making a "to do list" is not good enough. Unless you target the 20%, you can waste 80% of your time!

Average people put major effort into a lot of things.

Achievers put major efforts into key things.

You can't do everything, but you can do the 20%. Don't lose sleep over the 80%.

IN A NUTSHELL: It's not the amount of effort that matters, but where you put it.

MAKE ME HAPPY!

When you are feeling cheerful, do you ever say to yourself, "I should go hang out with some gloomy people"?

You don't! You look for other happy people.
Happy people attract happy people.
Miserable people attract miserable people.

And no one else can ever make you happy! Where do we get the idea that someone else can make us happy? Maybe from songs and movies...

In songs and movies, people say, "Before you came, I was lonely, I was a loser - but you changed everything"

But in the real world, other people don't change our lives. If you are feeling down or depressed, only you can change your thoughts. Step by step, you pull yourself out of the hole.

As you begin to look on the bright side, you attract happy friends and colleagues.

To be surrounded by positive people, you first put a smile on your own face.

IN A NUTSHELL: Your mission in life is not to change the world - just to change yourself - for the betterment of the world.


Best Regards,
Melody

work work work

WORK WORK WORK

A long time ago, there was an Emper or who told his horseman that if he could ride on his horse and cover as much land area as he likes, then the Emperor would give him the area of land he has covered.

Sure enough, the horseman quickly jumped onto his horse and rode as fast as possible to cover as much land area as he could. He kept on riding and riding, whipping the horse to go as fast as possible. When he was hungry or tired, he did not stop because he wanted to cover as much area as possible.

Came to a point when he had covered a substantial area and he was exhausted and was dying. Then he asked himself, "Why did I push myself so hard to cover so much land area? Now I am dying and I only need a very small area to bury myself."

The above story is similar with the journey of our Life. We push very hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition. We neglect our health , time with our family and to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love.

One day when we look back , we will realize that we don't really need that much, but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.

Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition . Life is definitely not about work! Work is only necessary to keep us living so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life. Life is a balance of Work and Play, Family and Personal time. You have to decide how you want to balance your Life. Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based on your instincts. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life, the whole aim of human existence.

So, take it easy, do what you want to do and appreciate NATURE. Life is fragile, Life is short. Do not take Life for granted. Live a balanced lifestyle and enjoy Life!

Watch your thoughts ; they become words.

Watch your words ; they become actions.

Watch your actions ; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character .

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny .

WARM WATER & HEART ATTACK

This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about heart attacks . The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating.
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive.
A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Read this & Send to a friend. It could save a life. So, please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about.